JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 15

So yesterday began the third week of this journey... two full weeks under my belt (so to speak), and I am beginning to feel like I'm getting somewhere! Yay! I have to say that some days, when I leave work, it's all I can do to keep myself from scrounging in my purse for enough change to buy some french fries for the ride home (I pass McD's every time I leave the parking lot!!). So far so good, though, and I know the better I feel the easier struggles like that will be to resist. OK, so here's yesterday's news:

BREAKFAST  7:30 AM

1 c. non-fat plain yogurt

1/3 c. sliced fresh strawberries

1 T. ground flax seed *

2 slices whole grain toast, 1 tsp butter

*The serving size on the bag of whole flax seed says 1 ounce, so I weighed that much out. That is A LOT of flax seed!! I ground it up, then measured 1 T into my yogurt and put the rest in the freezer. I hope it stays OK for a couple of days; I know it loses potency quickly once it's ground.

SNACK  12:30 PM

1 Fuji apple

1 wedge Laughing Cow

LUNCH/SUPPER  4:30 PM

2 whole wheat pita pockets with (each):

2 slices smoked turkey

1/2 oz cheddar cheese

alfalfa sprouts

1 t. mayo

dijon mustard

DESSERT  6:00 PM

1 Lindt dark chocolate truffle

4 Espresso thin mints (I KNOW, but that's still less than a full "serving," and now they're all gone)

SNACK  7:30 PM

I was inspired with a memory of my sister-in-law, Dottie, making the most delectable fruit salads, so I cut up a banana, strawberries, an orange, and an apple, and ate about

1 c. fruit salad

The rest I saved for breakfast this morning. YUM!!!

Yay! A Farmers' Market!

I am so excited, and so  s  l  o  w.  It never occurred to me to look before now, because who thinks of Farmers' Markets in the wintertime??

Well, Marnie's link to finding local seasonal produce (April in Virginia is asparagus and spinach) led me to look for the local Farmers' Market. Imagine my excitement when I found THIS. Not only a cool Farmers' Market, it's easy to get to by bus, it opens at 5:30 in the frickin' morning (!), and it's open YEAR ROUND, rain or shine!! OH, and BONUS! They have artist-vendors, too! So I'll be looking into THAT right off quick, dontcha know!!

So yay happy day and so forth. (NYPD Blue fans would get that, trust me.) Just thought I'd share the excitement. (Rachel, you wanna go at the crack of dawn Saturday? I work 10-6, so I have to leave around 9:15... can/will you get up that early on the weekend?)

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 14

A delightful day yesterday, Sunday, March 29:

BREAKFAST  6:30 AM

bowl of Smart Start cereal (from my care package), with

1 small banana

2 strawberries (rather large)

skim milk

(How about THAT? A normal, nutritious, and tasty breakfast!! Good thing, too, since I needed energy for a busy day at Crocs!)

SNACK  12 Noon

1 Fuji apple (which I like better than Gala; juicy and not so 'squeaky')

1 T natural peanut butter

LUNCH/DINNER   5 PM

2 small whole wheat pita pockets with 1/2 avocado, cucumber, alfalfa sprouts, 2 little slices of cheese, and tahini (no mayo this time!)

DESSERT  6 PM

1 Lindt dark chocolate truffle

2 Espresso thin mints

SNACK  7:50 PM

1/2 c. low-fat cottage cheese with fresh strawberries

cup of Lemon Zinger tea

Aside from the dessert, it was a pretty good day. Apparently, I am not ever going to be scheduled for an eight-hour day at Crocs (through next week end, my longest shift is 6 hours, which entitles me to one 10-minute break), so I'm going to have to figure out a snack with more substance that a) is portable, b) needs no refrigeration,  c) needs no cooking, and d) I can eat in 10 minutes.  

Those pita pockets are light enough that it really isn't a huge meal, but at some point, I'm going to have something other than a sandwich (or two) for supper, and I don't like having lunch and dinner together. 

I have GOT to find a different job... these people are crazy (AND I will have worked 7 days straight before I get my first day off!  Granted, they're not full 8-hour days, but that's still schlepping to Woodbridge every day... ugh.)!

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 13

The day started off a bit sketchy, but thanks to the arrival of the aforementioned care package hot on the heels of a grocery store run for cottage cheese and veggies, etc. (as noted yesterday), it ended with a smile.

BREAKFAST
a bag of microwave popcorn
1 Gala apple (in the car on the way to work)

LUNCH and SUPPER 

... kind of morphed together, because I didn't get home from work/grocery store until almost 5. THIS IS WHERE I THINK I ACHIEVED A GREATNESS BEYOND MY WILDEST IMAGININGS: I walked into the grocery store and the first display that greeted me was a rack of creme horns (something I have been CRAVING for MONTHS) -- ON SALE! AAACCKK!! I am starving and not a little bit depressed about my current circumstances, and there they are, glowing on the rack like Ralphie's Red Ryder BB gun... I had a package of them in my hand before I knew what I was doing. I stood there and read the back of the package, saw "28g Fat" and dropped it like a hot rock back onto the rack. I KNOW!! I walked away and went to the produce section. *Sigh* I felt so virtuous!! ANYway, so when I did get around to lunch/dinner, this is what it was:

2 small whole wheat pita pockets with tahini, avocado, alfalfa sprouts, cucumber, and a couple thin slices of cheese. YUMMMMMM.

In my care package, there was a box of pre-cooked bacon, so I heated up a slice and ate that separately.

I had another mini-triumph later on in the evening. My wonderful care package included several Lindt dark chocolate truffles, and a box of Espresso Creme Thin Mints (serving size is listed as 6 because they're tiny). 

For DESSERT: 

I had ONE Lindt truffle (no nutrition info on them) and 2 Thin Mints (53 calories and 1.5g fat).

So, all things considered, I think this was a successful day!

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 12

Well, Friday wasn't a disaster, food-wise, but I sure didn't eat well. I ate very little food, which I know is just counterproductive to my goals of long-term behavioral improvements.

BREAKFAST
1 6oz can tuna (packed in water), drained
10 Wheat Thins Fiber Select crackers

LUNCH
1 avocado
8 Wheat Thins Fiber Select crackers

DINNER
2 packets of Ramen noodles

I am happy to report that today, Saturday, I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work (thanks to an unnamed benefactor), and purchased fruits, vegetables, and more yogurt and cottage cheese. (I was so excited to see that strawberries were *2 lbs. for $3*!! In fact, almost everything I bought was on sale! Asparagus was an unbelievable buck-forty-nine a pound... Unreal!) When I got home, I had received a care package from another unnamed benefactor, which contained cheese, dark chocolate, tea, and several other welcome items. What this means, Dear Reader, is that tomorrow's journal is going to look a lot better! Yay!

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 11

I really have to get some sort of a system down for this work schedule stuff... yesterday was my second 8-hour shift of leg-breaking, back-aching, headache-inducing work at Crocs, and I am just not eating enough to maintain any kind of energy level or to stave off hunger pangs. As soon as my legs stop aching, I'll go to the store for a couple basic necessities, but at the moment my selection is pretty limited.

Yesterday, Thursday, March 26:
BREAKFAST
A couple handfuls of dry corn flakes
(I took a baggie of them, but they are NASTY to eat dry, and hard to get into your mouth while driving... I gave up trying.)

SNACK
15 Wheat Thins Fiber Selects crackers
1 wedge Laughing Cow cheese

LUNCH
2 apples with peanut butter (on one) and Laughing Cow (on the other)

SUPPER
5 fried corn tortillas with shredded cheddar
1 avocado

SNACK
1 oz dark baking chocolate (which I thought was a better choice than a commercial candy bar out of the vending machine downstairs... I found enough change in my purse, but thought better of it and went in search of better chocolate in my cupboard)

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 10

OK, here's what Sarah has been waiting for, although I doubt that it holds many surprises. For those of you who don't already know, this day, Wednesday, March 25, was my first day at my new job working at a Crocs outlet store. It has been several years since I had to stand around on concrete for 8 hours at a time, and let me tell you, I haven't been in this much pain since... well, since I stopped working retail.

Anyway, my morning started off with a bang when I locked my keys in my car at work. If I didn't have the best children on the planet, one of whom came to my rescue (at no little inconvenience to herself, not to mention her boss), I would have been screwed, you should excuse the expression.

OK, here's how my day went, food-wise:

BREAKFAST
1 c. plain non-fat yogurt with mixed berries
1 slice Wasa

When I got to work (after the debacle with the keys, and after the security guard spent a half-hour trying unsuccessfully to break into my car, and before Rachel got there with the spare key), my boss brought bagels and cream cheese for everyone. My nerves had worked off the yogurt long since, so I succumbed and ate a bagel. Of course, it took me half the morning to consume it, because we were running around like headless chickens. Anyway, so add to my breakfast list:

1 Everything bagel with plain cream cheese

LUNCH
1 small Gala apple with peanut butter
15 Wheat Thin (Fiber ones) crackers (1 serving)
1 Laughing Cow wedge

DINNER
More of the rice, beans, and nuts... actually ate more than I should have, but I was pretty freaking hungry when I got home.

SNACK
1 apple and peanut butter

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 9

Well, I didn't do stellarly (how's THAT for a word?? - and I was giving *others* a hard time about their command of the language...) on Tuesday. After spending 2 hours taking two buses and two trains home from testing for a job in a lawyer's office, I was hungry, tired, and cranky... a fairly deadly combination when it comes to food habits. I did try to make up for my slippage later in the day, though.

BREAKFAST
1 c cottage cheese
1 slice Wasa
(was in a hurry to get on the bus at 7 AM to get to testing in Rockville, MD)

LUNCH
small bowl of rice, beans, and nuts
um... 6 fried tortillas with shredded cheddar on them

DINNER
1 small Gala apple with peanut butter
6 oz yogurt

So, even with the fried tortillas, I didn't have a whole bunch of food... I know the tortillas were a bad idea, but I haven't been to the store in a while, and the pickin's were slim. I know, excuses, excuses.

Apology for late journal posting

I am so freaking tired right now, I can't see straight, so I'm afraid today's posting of yesterday's food intake is going to have to wait until tomorrow. Rest assured, I've got it written down, so I will get to it, I promise. But I have to get up early again tomorrow, so I'm hitting the sack now. Peace. (And Happy Birthday, Fr. Bill!)

Don't miss out on the good stuff!

I hope my readers are also checking out the comments under the posts... there's some great stuff there; mostly very useful tips and recipes from my daughters! Hey, they got me to eat apples, so that's somethin'!!

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 8

Wow, it's hard to believe that I started this blog over a week ago. It could be my imagination, but I feel like my pants are already a bit looser. Is that possible? I don't have any bathroom scales, so I just have to go on how the clothes feel... maybe it's just the warmer weather making me feel less 'bulky.'

I did freaking awesome yesterday! Yay! A completely successful day. At last.

BREAKFAST
1 c cottage cheese
1 serving mixed fruit (pineapple, mango, strawberries)
2 slices multi-grain Wasa

LUNCH
Slow-cooker concoction: black beans, kidney beans, onions, celery, tomatoes, chiles, and seasonings
Served over a cup of rice
Topped with a few mixed nuts

DINNER
Same as lunch

SNACK
1 6oz Dannon yogurt (I think there are only a couple left, thankfully)

SO. That was a successful day. I'm a bit nervous about how the work thing is going to go tomorrow... there's no 'break room' to speak of, no microwave, so I'm not sure how I'm going to do lunch. I guess I'll just take a couple of apples and a container of peanut butter and hope that tides me over. I can't afford to get lunch in the mall anywhere, so I'm going to have to make do for now. Should be interesting.

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 7

OK. *deep breath*

In an effort to avoid the previous day's catastrophic supper, I started by eating a better breakfast (which turned out to be brunch), then augmented with snacks throughout the afternoon, trying to keep them healthy. I did mostly OK... until I found this recipe on this "nutrition and fitness" site. Apparently, the recipe is for people who run marathons and need a spike in energy. Yeah, so that wasn't the best choice. But it wasn't the worst one I've ever made, either. It did have some health benefits. Continue on, Dear Reader.

BRUNCH
2 eggs, over easy (just a little Pam, no oil or butter)
1 whole grain English muffin (no butter this time!! Woot!)
1/2 avocado
1 orange

SNACK #1
8 Wheat Thins "Fiber Selects" crackers
1 wedge Laughing Cow cheese
1 6oz Dannon yogurt
(OK that was more like a meal, but I considered it a snack.)

SNACK #2
Oooh boy. This is where that recipe comes in. It was for popcorn with dried cranberries and mixed nuts (actually, it was supposed to be almonds, but I had mixed nuts on hand). Sounds good and harmless, right? Well, except the dried cranberries have some sugar content, but they're good for you anyway. Soooo, in order to get this stuff to stick to the popcorn, you make goop sort of like for candied popcorn. Except I used less than half of the sugar it called for, so it didn't stick too well, but it was really tasty. :( :) :( :) (That would be indecision on whether to be happy that I adapted the recipe to be less bad, or sad that I succumbed to it in the first place!)

SUPPER
Here's where a lack of groceries comes into the equation. I had the forethought to thaw some chicken drumsticks (leftover from erstwhile roommate), but I didn't have any vegetables to go with them! So I, ah, ate four of them. In my defense, they were rather small drumsticks, without much meat on them. :-/ I juiced the leftover oranges from the scones the other day, and cooked them in that and about a tablespoon of red pepper jelly. Pretty freakin' yummy.

I think part of my problem yesterday was a fairly high level of angst. I got an email from my new employer in answer to my question regarding the timing of the first paycheck, in which he stated that the first check wouldn't come until the 15th of April. I allowed myself a bit of a panic attack there. I still have no idea how I'm going to stretch my supplies until then (not to mention gas money), but today I took a pro-active role in securing more income sooner by applying to seven more jobs.

I had an interview for one this evening, which I could apparently have if I wanted less pay than Crocs is offering. I'm still tempted, because it's only 50 cents less an hour, but WAY closer to home; I have to get a second job either way, but the motel position will at least give me a set schedule that I can work a second job around. I also have an appointment to fill out an application and take a test for another job tomorrow morning, so I'm hoping something will happen soon to rescue me from Crocs, which I am supposed to start on Wednesday morning.

I realize that none of that last diatribe has anything to do with food, but as I said at the outset of this blog, I need to pay attention to all factors involving my eating patterns, and my emotional state is apparently one of those factors. So, having identified that, I need to acquire some tools to counteract the tendency to protect my vulnerable self with layers of comfort food. Anyone with any brilliant shafts of insight on that topic is welcome to respond! :)

"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."-- S.O'H.

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 6

Well, yesterday was not as successful as I'd hoped. I did great all day, but neglected to plan ahead for dinner. And I didn't eat enough during the day, so that by the time I realized I hadn't planned anything for supper (I guess I just got so used to having corned beef and cabbage, I forgot to think about it!), I was ravenous. This process definitely takes focus.

BREAKFAST
2 eggs, over easy (cooked with just cooking spray, no oil or butter)
1 whole grain English muffin (teeniest scrape of butter)
1 c. low-fat cottage cheese

SNACK
1 apple with Laughing Cow Swiss wedge, and eight nuts (see picture from yesterday)

LUNCH
1 c low-fat yogurt with one serving of mixed berries

SNACK
1 orange

DINNER
This is where it went terribly terribly wrong.
1/2 of a 10 oz bag of Tostito's Scoops
shredded Cheddar cheese, to cover, then baked until cheese melted
about a half cup of sour cream dolloped on top

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 5

I am going to share a couple of photos here; on the left is of my yummy broccoli pasta from the other day, and on the right is the apple snack I am enjoying right now (with 1 Laughing Cow cheese wedge and assorted nuts)!



OK, yesterday's food journal:

BREAKFAST
1 serving mixed fruit (berries - rasp, straw, blue, black)
1/2 c plain lowfat yogurt
small handful of mixed nuts

LUNCH (at California Pizza Kitchen, with Rachel)
2 Lettuce Wraps (minced chicken, wok-seared with Shiitake mushrooms, water chestnuts and green onions in a soy ginger sauce. Served on a bed of crispy rice noodles with a side of spicy chili-ginger sauce)
1/2 Thai Crunch salad (shredded Napa cabbage, chilled-grilled chicken breast, julienne cucumbers, edamame, crispy wontons, peanuts, cilantro, julienne carrots, fresh avocado, red cabbage and green onions tossed with a lime-cilantro dressing. Topped with crispy rice sticks and Thai peanut dressing)
1 slice of Rachel's pizza (mild goat cheese with roasted red & yellow peppers, grilled Japanese eggplant, Mozzarella cheese, caramelized onions, Italian parsley and tomato sauce - on a thin, whole-wheat crust)

SNACK
microwave popcorn

DINNER
the LAST of the corned beef hash! (no oil or butter, and no bread this time)

DESSERT
1 Gala apple with natural peanut butter

It's hard to imagine anything that tastes better than California Pizza Kitchen's Lettuce Wraps!

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 4

First of all, let me apologize for the lateness of this journal entry. I usually try to do it in the mornings, but today I went with my daughter, Rachel, to look at wedding dresses! It was great fun, and when she tried on The Dress, Mummie started bawling. It was kind of funny actually; everyone started handing me Kleenex, and Rachel's friend, Jessika, sat next to me and patted my shoulder. It was pretty sweet. I was as surprised as anyone when the waterworks started, but man, she looked beautiful in that dress!

Anyway, back to the Journal:

Well, I did even better yesterday! No chocolate, for one thing! And I delivered the offensive bag of it to Rachel last night, so it's gone, baby, gone. I also made orange scones yesterday, since Amanda was coming to tea. I gave her three to take home and gave the rest to Rachel today. I had the smallest one last night with Amanda, one of the 'end' pieces, and that was enough. Anyway, here are the specifics for yesterday:

BREAKFAST
1 c. lowfat cottage cheese
1 serving mixed fruit (pineapples, mangoes, and strawberries)
1 slice of Wasa multigrain (you know, it's that 'bread' that's more like a really thick hard cracker)

LUNCH
1 Gala apple (man, they're tiny) with one wedge of Laughing Cow swiss cheese
1 c. yogurt with one serving of mixed berries
handful of mixed (unsalted) nuts (some of the nuts went into the yogurt, the rest were nestled in the soft cheese on the apple slices... mmmmmm)

DINNER
Corned beef hash (corned beef, cabbage, carrot, potato, and onion, mashed together - no butter or oil)
1/2 slice soda bread with a teeny amount of butter

DESSERT
1 very small scone

I didn't make much headway on the eating-at-the-table thing, except while Amanda was here, but that will take some getting used to. Right now I'm happy to be focusing on the quantity and quality of what's going into my mouth.

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 3

Thanks to the suggestions, tips, and encouragement of my 'followers' (sorry, but that sounds so cult-ish), yesterday was a better day. Mostly. Here's the list, then as usual, I will expound on the other side. Thanks for playing.

BREAKFAST
1 6oz container of Dannon (I'm almost through with them... can't wait!)
1 slice of soda bread, toasted, with a teeeeny bit of butter

LUNCH
Leftover fettuccine with broccoli and green beans; no butter, just a little chicken broth

SNACK
1 small Gala apple with about a tablespoon of natural peanut butter... I admit, DELICIOUS.

DINNER
1 slice corned beef
1 potato
1 carrot
1 wedge of cabbage
1 small onion
1 slice soda bread w/ 1 tsp butter

SNACK
1 6oz Dannon yogurt

AND... er, several pieces of chocolate. OK, I have put them out of reach, now, in preparation for delivering what's left to Rachel's office tomorrow. In my defense, I am suffering through a particularly violent menstrual cycle right now, and I have actually heard that one can have strong cravings for chocolate at these times. I don't know why... is there iron in chocolate, or something, that the body knows it needs to replenish? Anyway, I have committed myself to eschewing chocolate today, though it is on my mind.

SO. Here's yet another habit I have to work on: eating while being on the computer, instead of sitting at the table like a human. In fact, I'm eating my breakfast while I'm typing this! (And yes, I said breakfast. I was up until 4 this morning, so I got a late start today. Another bad habit. Good grief.) Anyway, I know that I need to eat with attention and intention, as my dear friend, Deepak, likes to say, so that my body will taste and enjoy the food I am giving it, making it more satisfying and fulfilling. But it's kind of lonely sitting at the table by myself. I know that sounds silly; there are lots of people who eat alone. And, quite honestly, even when I was with my mom we rarely ate at the table. She preferred her favorite chair and Wheel of Fortune with her dinner.

Perhaps if I get into the habit of playing quiet music while I eat, and looking out the window instead of at the computer... right now, though, the sunny, beautiful morning has turned to chilly, overcast skies, and it's starting to rain. The perfect day for curling up with a good book or an old movie.

RIP Natasha Richardson

I realize this is not related to my blog, but I was saddened this morning to hear from Rachel that Natasha Richardson died in a skiing accident yesterday. Her sons are only 12 and 13... pretty rough age to lose your mum (not that it's ever easy, of course). As I mentioned to Rachel, I can't get the image of Liam Neeson's character in "Love, Actually," out of my head, and how life is now - sadly - imitating art.

Good Information

OK, Sarah will say that I am a slow learner, but better late than never, I say.

I am a recent devotee of the web site, www.care2.com, where Sarah has been a member for years. One of their contributors has started a blog of sorts on a nutritional path she calls the "Life Force Diet," explaining that the word 'diet' is used in the sense of 'what you eat is your diet,' not 'dieting is what you don't eat.' I am learning a lot through these articles, all of which you can access by clicking on that link back there. She's in Week 3 (of a four-week discussion), but there are links to all the articles so far, so you can catch up if you wish.

Just sharin' the love!

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 2

I did pretty well yesterday, considering that it was St Paddy's Day and I was lonely and depressed a good part of the day. I'm not saying that to garner sympathy, just noting my state of mind, which is how I can assess my eating patterns and what triggers my desire to eat crap.

BREAKFAST
1/3 c. baked beans (to finish off the can... still too much Dora's daughter to throw food away)
2 slices Wasa multigrain crispbread (0 fat, 0 sugar, 10g carbs, 2g fiber per slice)
1 1/2 oz lowfat cream cheese (6g fat - 0 trans fats, 2g carbs, 1g sugar, 2g protein per oz)

LUNCH
Thanks to Rachel's helpful suggestions, I was able to use food on hand to eat a healthy lunch:
fettuccine with broccoli and green beans, cooked in water, then tossed with chicken broth instead of oil or butter! Delicious, AND I limited myself to one serving! My SOP used to be to consume whatever I had cooked... 2, sometimes 3 helpings. Now I have leftovers for today!

1 6oz container Dannon yogurt

DINNER
OK, it's St Patrick's Day, remember.
2 slices corned beef
1 1/2 potatoes
2 carrots
wedge of cabbage (about 1/6 of a small head)
2 slices homemade soda bread (whole wheat)
about 1 T Irish butter (my usual dose is about thrice that amount)

4 pcs. Hershey's chocolate
(I don't know if it was from all the salt in my dinner, but I had a hellacious craving for chocolate last night... I was fortunate to be able to stop at 4 pcs, quite honestly)

So, I did pretty well. I am paying attention to portion sizes, and also try to do a hunger-check while I'm considering having seconds. That was how I stopped at lunchtime from eating all the pasta and veggies; I stopped and thought about whether I was actually hungry enough to have seconds. I wasn't, so I didn't.

So that was a victory, of sorts. And even though I had chocolate - and more than one piece of chocolate - I did not just mow through the pieces and eat until I felt like my teeth were going to fall out from the sugar. I thought and considered each piece, and allowed myself to eat them. Kind of a fine distinction, I suppose, but I think if I am just more aware of what I'm eating, and making conscious decisions about it, it will get easier to make better decisions. At least that's my theory. Cutting something out of my diet entirely has worked in the past - but only temporarily, in the first throes of passionate zeal. Eventually I start feeling deprived and resentful and then I end up saying 'f this' and gorge on the forbidden delight. Obviously, not an effective strategy.

My focus today is going to be on getting appropriate foods into my fridge and cupboards... things that I can munch on that are good for me. I've read (and it makes sense to me) that eating every three hours, not full-size meals, but little healthy snacks, helps to keep your metabolism burning up calories. And if they're just little snacks, I will be hungry when it's time for another one three hours later. Deepak Chopra suggests assessing your hunger level before you eat, every time. He says that if you are actually feeling hungry, then your body is telling you that it's ready to metabolize food, and your digestion will work more efficiently to process the nutrients and give you energy. If you eat when you are not hungry, your metabolism is not going to work as effectively. In my head, I liken this concept to a car engine's transmission. If you try to start moving the car with it in 3rd gear, the engine is going to lurch and be really sluggish. OK, that sounded better in my head, which I guess is where it should stay; if it makes sense to me, that's good enough. ;)

Rachel made a good suggestion about cottage cheese and Laughing Cow cheese wedges, both of which I'm going to lay in a supply; also, she and Sarah both have suggested natural, organic peanut butter, and Sarah gave me a brand of yogurt that's not filled with nasty stuff like Dannon. My word, have you ever READ the ingredients listed on that stuff?? It's horrifying!

"Nonfat yogurt (cultured grade A nonfat milk, modified food starch, fructose, kosher gelatin, vitamin A palmitate, vitamin D), water, strawberries, fructose - YES, AGAIN, less than 1% modified corn starch, banana puree, natural and artificial flavors, aspartame, potassium stearate (to maintain freshness), sodium citrate, annatto extract (for color), malic acid, acesulfame potassium, sucralose, red 40"

Yikes. I found a web site that tells you the nitty-gritty about artificial sweeteners... I'm not sure if the woman herself is legit, but she cites sources with the information, and I've read a lot of it in other places, so I think it's fairly accurate. Anyway, if you want to read about aspartame and acesulfame K, click here.

Now, it's off to the store for me. Sorry, Sarah, the store within walking distance doesn't have natural food options, so I'm heading for Trader Joe's... in the car. :)

Corroborating Wisdom from Deepak

OK, you remember how I said in the first post about when you have an 'epiphany,' and things just kind of start falling into place and making sense? Well, my friend, Deepak Chopra, shares his thoughts on this subject here. I love it when he agrees with me! :)

JOURNAL ENTRY: DAY 1

This is not pretty, but I made a promise, so here goes:

MONDAY, MARCH 16, 2009

1 6oz. Dannon "Light and Fit" Yogurt, peach (after reading the label, I seriously refute the "fit" claim)
1 Entenmann's Pineapple-Cheese Danish (once again, I read labels AFTER eating: 22g FAT!)
5 pcs. Hershey's Easter candy (Miniatures, Kisses, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and no labels were read on this one... obviously)
7 fried corn tortillas, topped with cheddar cheese, salt, cilantro, and red onion
2/3 can Bush's baked beans (didn't WANT to read the label)
1 Hearty Grain Thomas' English Muffin, with Irish butter (CAN'T be calories in Irish butter!!)
1 6oz Dannon "Light and Fit" Yogurt, strawberry/banana

Part of this journaling process, for me, is to examine my choices and see how I could make healthy changes and still enjoy food that I like. Obviously, things like Hershey's chocolate are not in this category (although my mother was insistent that one piece of dark chocolate a day is good for you... who was I to argue with my mother???).

So one of my favorite things is tostadas with cheese, cilantro, and onion. If I want to enjoy these things, the key is losing the "fried" portion of the equation, and going easy on the cheese. (I am NOT a proponent of using "fake" cheese. Either I reduce my portions to an ounce - which is 100 calories, or I go without altogether.) So I could substitute a whole wheat tortilla (these days, commonly called 'wraps'), sprinkle the cheese on it and wrap it in foil, then warm it in the oven. Scatter cilantro and chopped onion on it, roll it up and yum yum, for probably 1/4 of the calories of my fried version. Of course, there won't be that crispy, satisfying crunch, but there won't be the gagillion greasy calories, either. Yeah, and then there's the whole concept of eating 7 at a sitting. That's got to change, too. If I add black beans to the equation, not only will they add fiber and a butt-load of nutrients, but also will be more satisfying, aka filling. I could eat two of those and be content, especially if I have a piece of fruit for dessert.

Yesterday, in my frenzy to get started on this New Plan, I started purging my cabinets of inappropriate content (mostly acquired by my erstwhile - and short-lived - roommate). As my pragmatic daughter, Rachel, pointed out, however, I am not really in a financial position to be tossing food out willy nilly (hence the baked beans for dinner). Some of it I will be able to salvage by mixing it with healthier versions; kind of take the sting out of white pasta, for instance, by mixing it with whole grain pasta until all the white stuff is gone. She also suggested mixing that nasty plastic Dannon yogurt with plain yogurt, and adding real fruit.

So day 1 is behind me now. My focus this first week is going to be on phasing out the unhealthy food from my kitchen (don't worry, I'm donating the chocolate to Rachel's office), and integrating more nutritious substitutes.

One thing I seriously have to work on is eating more fruit. Apples. Ugh. I can eat apples... I can. If I lay a slab of extra-sharp cheddar on each slice, I can actually enjoy it! *sigh* OK, so if you have a better idea of how someone who hates apples can learn to enjoy them without encasing them in verboten foods, please pipe up!

HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY, EVERYONE!

It begins today

As with many (if not all) changes or adjustments we 'should' make in our lives, the decision to be healthy has to come from within us. Well-wishing family members and friends can cajole, plead, admonish, lecture, badger, and make a total nuisance of themselves until they're blue in the face, but - as any inveterate smoker will tell you - we alone have to decide when it's time.

You know that feeling you get in your head, just a weird, fuzzy feeling behind your eyeballs that tells you that you are coming down with a cold, even before the first sneeze? Well, determining that this IS the time when we are going to make a change in our lives sort of feels like that.

You don't get this feeling on New Year's Eve when you rather sloppily tell your "ve-y besh fren" that you're going to stop drinking tomorrow; you don't get this feeling when someone guilts you into joining a gym, promising to be your "work-out buddy." You only get this feeling when it seems like an epiphany; this idea is brilliant! and you can't understand how it's never occurred to you before; when suddenly everywhere you look, there is corroborating evidence to support this "new idea." A web site you had never stumbled upon before, a billboard displaying the exact wording of the dazzling plan in your head, an email in your inbox from someone you haven't heard from in years, and they're asking you about this particular aspect of your life.

Well, today it happened. A perfect storm, a confluence of events that led me inexorably to the decision to start today. I won't bore you with the details of what led me to this spot at this particular time, but I will say that this decision is loudly punctuated by the screaming pain in my knee every time I stand up from my desk. I like to call it "my old football injury," which is partly true, but in actuality it is a function of carrying an extra person around all the time - and quite frankly, this extra person could stand to lose a few pounds, too. Yes, I weigh more than twice what I should. And when I say, "should," I don't mean what the so-called 'experts' say that I should weigh, I mean the weight at which I actually last felt like a healthy person, as far as I can remember, anyway.

So today, the first step is starting a journal of what I put into my mouth. And I have to say, it's fairly appalling. Because this is probably an important step in confronting my bad eating habits, I am going to lay bare my journal in this blog; I will write my food choices, good and bad; my mental and physical struggles, and I may even curse a few times (which means I would have to change the setting on this blog to 'adult content'). If this process is going to be of any use to any of my readers (if indeed there are any), then it would be counterproductive to lie by omission or hedge the truth in any way. So, here is my promise - and my warning: I will keep a true and accurate accounting of this process of lubing up the zipper on the fat suit. Thanks for joining me on this journey, and I will try to mix in enough fun and laughter to make it worth the trip!